:'(

Thinking of all our good moments together.

There were many but to name a few...

I really loved those moments where you would take very good care of me when i'm sick...

loved those moments when you told me i'm the only girl that matters

loved those moments when you would tell me how much our relationship means to you.

loved those moments when you would make me feel special

loved those moments when you told me you loved my smile.

I no longer find much reason to smile now..

It's our 7 monthsary today and reading back on how happy i was during our 5th monthsary brought tears.

Yes, I was happy but was kept in the dark
Looking back, I feel stupid now.

I'm still the same girl you knew..
The one who gets offended easily. The one that cries when nobody's around.
The one that gets touched by little things. The clumsy lil girl that never fail to make you laugh.
The one that loves you more than you could ever know.

yet another update

This is the worst thing he has done to me.

I have never cried this bad throughout our relationship.

I pray to God to give me the courage to start anew.

Tomorrow will be a brand new day, a new school term, a new life.

I will try not to look back.

I will learn from this. I know I will.

I'm strong. I won't let this bring me down.

Insyaallah.

still surviving.

I can't seem to forget about what happened earlier today no matter how hard I try.

I wanted to compromise. 

I gave him my trust.

But within a split second, I realized I made the wrong move.

All I could do was watch him ruin everything.

Can't he see that I'm trying to work things out between us?

What does messages from my family had anything to do with our rs?

What does wall posts from friends had anything to do with our rs?

I have no doubt at all that I'm not in the wrong. No doubt at all.

I need time to regain composure now.

This is too much for me.

:'(

heartbroken

No words can explain how I feel now.

I wanna scream my lungs out.

Why must this happen to me?

God knows my family means everything to me.

I've cried my heart out but nothing seems to make things better

I'm tired of crying. I seriously am.

My eyes swell, my throat hurts, my heart aches but it's nothing compared to the pain i'm feeling deep inside.
I need to talk to someone badly.

what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

It's been a sad, sad week for me.

Whatever it is, i'm sure there's a reason things happen.

And i know, if me and boyfr can pull through tough situations like this, there's lesser things to be worried about in future.

I have no regrets being with boyfr so far.

We've been through all kinds of craps. We've quarelled over the most stupidest things, we complain about things that's not even worth our attention and we've seen the worst in both of us.

I don't know about him but one thing I know for sure, it only makes me appreciate him more.

Despite everything, I'm happy with how things are going between us. It takes a lot for me to leave him cos I know we have a strong relationship. Being in arguments is normal. Healthy in fact.

Wonder if he thinks the same way as I do.


Ps: October, please be good.

Tears are words the heart can't say

I have so many things to talk about today.

To start of with, I came to a conclusion that hardly anyone would understand the situation i'm in.

The only person who came close to knowing the real person i am deep down inside is boyfr. Other than him, nobody else really know what's going on in my life and my mind.

But it dissapoints me badly when he told me something I don't wish to hear from him.

Something that almost made me feel like giving up.

There are things that I wish nobody would ever remind me of.

I don't wanna live in denial but at the same time, I wanna pretend it didn't happen.

My life is not as easy as it seems. Some regard me as 'happy-go-lucky' but they don't know how much pain I'm going through each and every day. 

No amount of tears can express my true feelings. No words can describe how much i'm dying inside.

I guess up till now, the only person who have seen me cry over and over again is boyfr. At times, I don't even wish for him to see my tears but no matter how hard I try, I'll eventually break down. It's true that tears are words the heart can't say.

Boyfr may not realize what I've done for our rs. He may not know how much effort I've put in. He may not see it just yet but it's okay.

However so, I can't thank boyfr enough for lending me his shoulder for me to cry on. For lending me his ear and listens to what my heart says. 

A real boyfriend ♥

Was fbooking as always when I came across this particular post from a dear friend of mine. Find it really interesting so I decided to share it here.

 A real boyfriend !! ♥

When she stares at your mouth
- Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you like a dummy cause she thinks shes stronger than you
- Grab her and don't let go

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
- Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
- Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
- Give her your attention

When she pulls away
- Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
- Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
- Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
- Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
- Protect her

When she steals your favorite hoodie
- Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
- Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
- Reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
- Back yourself up

When she says that she loves you
- She really does more than you can understand

When she grabs at your hands
- Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
- Bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
- Keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
- Don't look away until she does

When she says it's over
- She still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this
- She wants you to read it
- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's okay, don't believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain
- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:
" Whose ass am i kicking, BABY? "

This may seem unfair to guys cos they have to be the one doing all the 'work' but come to think of it, we girls are fragile. Even so, we always have to put on a strong front. So just reward us. Make us feel worth every effort of yours. As complicated as it seems, it isn't that hard after all.  

 ♥